Healing to Win – Battling with stroke

I haven’t been writing much lately, not even traveling anywhere far as well, this is merely because of what happen with my mom after her kidney stone surgery. When everything you expect was about to get better it got worse, out of your expectation and out of planned.  I’m not here to complained and be angry for what has happened because I know that will not find the solution and it won’t solve the problem. Let’s take a few steps back and let me try to remember what exactly happen to my mother until today.

My mother has suffered from kidney stone for quite a long time, she only found out early 2012 while we we’re still living in Manila, after moving back to Indonesia despite her busy schedule she postponed her doctor treatment until early 2013, since her kidney stone is quite large 30×15 mm operation is the only option. My mother a strong and patience person she is took care of herself to hospital, doing her scan, blood test, urin test and other necessary test taken before the operation. This occurs in January, February and March for 3 months and was scheduled ready for operation. I remember a long weekend in end of March she was called by the doctor and offer her if she is willing to do the operation on 1st April 2013, she had to stay overnight in RSCM hospital in central Jakarta for 3 nights before its her turn for kidney stone operation.

Monday morning, she was scheduled 8am for her kidney operation, preparing for her operation my mom and I spoke still got the time to talk and joke about anything, she was excited and nervous about the operation but I was there to calm her down and be there for her, as the nurse pushed her in the wheelchair towards the operation room, I walked beside her and escort her to 4th floor in the operation building. I still got the time to kiss her and hug her when she entered the operation room, I never thought it would be the last time I saw her actually standing and walking.

I was told the operation lasted for 3 hours, so I waited from 8am to 12am no news and no calls from the nurse and the doctors, and only 9 hours later she was brought back to the room asleep laying with her closed eyes, she could only talk a few words about the pain on her back and her headache. The next day mom didn’t want to eat or drink she was mostly asleep, as the doctors and nurse worried her responds she was taken for CT scan as her left hand and feet couldn’t move, the first CT scan showed that there was a black dotted on he right brain and 3 days later another CT scan showed that the black dotted spot have expand to 3/4of her right brain and hence needed to be operated, 5am we were called to sign an agreement for the brain operation and she was operated 4pm. The doctor said the operation went successful, it ended 9pm for 5 hours, It was the 4 of us waiting in the those long hall operation room, I must say waiting for 5 hours feels like forever, it 50/50 it, it must be the worse waiting moment of my life, I was worried, confused, impatient and exhausted both physically and mentally. The doctor said 3x24hours is the critical moment after the brain operation, I took my 2 days off and spend 4 days in the hospital waiting for mothers recovery. As she was put back on the high care unit area room 609 I can see the bandage on her right head, she is completely balled. She is not awake, not opening her eyes and not even moving but all I can see through the glass doors is a computer screen showing her blood pressure, heart beat and her conscious rate.

The doctors then explained what happen to mom after the kidney operation, she suffered from a stroke attack on her right brain due to blockage of blood, something that the doctors never consider in their history of operation, my mother had undergo several operation before such as breast cancer surgery. Based on her history hence her blood consider a rapid of coagulated blood and this is what caused her stroke on her brain. We are all devastated with the news and surprised with the outcome something we never thought will ever happen actually happen, something we thought would end up fine didn’t  We all had mix feelings, of upset, angry, sad, confused, shocked and panic. But again, it happen we cant change the past, and now all we can do is pray and pray ask for what’s best for her and of course do our best to be there for her and cure her until she recovered we will try our best, we (our family) have to be strong in facing this truth a truth we all never wanted. Perhaps this is a big test, a very big test for us all to be patient and be steadfast whatever happens, but we have to keep strong hold on, stick together and not give up and hope for the best.

I realize as we grew older, life isn’t always about happiness all the way, the journey goes up and down along the way but that doesn’t mean we give up for what we wished and dreamed of, no that doesn’t mean we lose our hope when the people around us cannot be there to support us.  There is always a good side of everything and that what optimism is all about, even though its hard, its deep it hurts and its traumatic you cant live your life feeling sad or miserable. And one important thing we sometimes may overlook is how important to spend quality time with people you love, embraced and value that moment cause you never know what may happen, we may not be able to see that person as perfect as we use to. Human always take advantage and always postponed the goods they planned, but i know in every peoples heart there is a room for forgiveness and kindness.

It’s hard seeing my mother this way but I know how strong she is, she is a titanium, a hero for every women she have battled through breast cancer last year, and also suffered from bell palsy (twice) she did it through physiotherapy and breast removal. And this year she fought with her 30mmx15mm kidney stone and after that she was attacked with stroke on her right brain. I cannot imagine anyone as strong and brave as she is even though now she’s is still in high care unit laying there asleep, I pray for her recovery every single day cause she is my hero and I love her so much, her patience and strength is the reason why I’m here, be strong mama….


Before the Kidney Operation 1st April 2013


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